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burningdarkfireTitle: Falling For You - Words
Series: TRC
Pairing: KuroFai
Rating: PG
Length: about 1000 words, chapter 12 (12/26)
A restless wind stirred the tree branches as Kurogane and Fai walked silently past them. The sky overhead was dark and overcast; the clouds somber and gloomy: they matched Kurogane's mood perfectly.
"Talk to me," Fai pleaded at last, breaking the deafening silence, as they lingered in the park yet again on the way home after school. "Come on Kurogane, say something."
Kurogane just shook his head mutely. He was determined not to speak needlessly anymore, determined not to let any more words exit his lips and fall, worthless, into the air.
Most importantly, I won't ever lie. I won't ever make a promise that I wouldn't give my life trying to keep.
"Kuro-pooon," Fai wheedled, hoping to get a rise out of Kurogane by using one of the nicknames that Kurogane detested. "Kuro-pon, Kuro-tin, Kuro-mu!"
But Kurogane simply growled and glared at Fai threateningly.
The blond made a half hearted attempt to skip away before he realized that Kurogane wasn't giving chase like usual. Instead, he just walked along in the damp park, wet grass brushing against his pant legs and changing their color, with his head down and fixed on the ground.
"Oh for goodness sake Kuro-pon, won't you just perk up a little bit? Smile!" Fai returned to prod Kurogane on the cheek. "It's not hard, see? And they say smiling makes you feel better!"
Kurogane looked at Fai with minor disgust. Fai had a smile on his face that was just as convincing as his usual carefree expression; everyone except for Kurogane would have fallen for it easily. It infuriated him to see how Fai could take pain and suffering lightly enough to just paint it over with a smile and pretend it wasn't there.
"Kurogane," Fai paused and actually looked serious for once. "Talk to me, please. I know it hurts to lose your mom. I don't want you to go through this alone."
The dark haired boy looked at the other boy suspiciously, unpleasant thoughts coming to surface in his mind.
"Please," Fai whispered, eyes glinting. "I don't want you to be alone. Talk to me."
"Is it me that you don't want to be alone," Kurogane asked harshly, voice rough after about two weeks of very limited activity. "Or yourself?"
Fai dropped his eyes. His hesitation was all Kurogane needed to turn around and stride quickly towards his house, distancing himself from the stupid blond and all his stupid problems and his stupid fears and his stupid inability to cope with things …
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
The entire world is just stupid, Kurogane thought vehemently. The world is a cruel and unloving, place.
We're all alone here, trapped by words that have no meaning at all.
-
A few blocks away from his house, Kurogane changed tracks and veered towards the studio instead. In the half month that had followed his mother's death, his father had spent more time there than ever – as had Kurogane.
"Kurogane-kun!" Kendappa, his father's second-in-command, said in surprise when she saw him. "Shouldn't you be at home?"
Kurogane swept past her, not bothering to answer.
"Do you need me to call your dad?" She asked.
She received no reply as Kurogane stomped towards the change room. He changed into his gym clothes, which were conveniently in his backpack, and sat down on a bench for a moment, trying to calm his anger. Unsuccessful, he got up, paced around the change room, and punched a locker. He regretted this fiercely when his fist started stinging and decided it was a much better idea to spend his anger doing exercises instead. He went back outside and threw himself into repetitions until his father came over to see him, no doubt informed of Kurogane's presence by Kendappa.
"Kurogane, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at home, or at the park with Fai-kun?" Wiping his face with a towel, Mr. Suwa squatted down to talk to his son as he pounded the life out of a punching bag. "Did something happen?"
Kurogane just shook his head mutely and switched to kicking, feeling a brutal satisfaction in the thump of the bag when his foot connected with it solidly.
"Come on, Kurogane." His father placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and gently forced Kurogane to stop and turn to him. "I've barely heard your voice in two weeks. I've already lost my wife; I don't want to lose you too."
At the mention of his mom, Kurogane's eyes blurred again. He angrily wiped at his eyes before he managed to croak out anything comprehensible. "I want to be become stronger. I want to become stronger, so I can protect everyone that I love! Maybe it's selfish, but I don't anyone else to be taken away from me … not you, not Tomoyo, not …" His voice trailed off.
"Not Fai-kun?" His dad guessed. Kurogane just clenched his fists. "Listen … being strong isn't the answer to everything. No matter how strong you are … there are some things that can't be stopped, there are some things that will make you suffer no matter what."
Kurogane looked up to see his dad's eyes glimmering. "Don't cry, Dad."
His father reached down and pulled Kurogane into a hug. "Be strong, Kurogane. Discover the meaning of true strength, and although not everything will be solved, the people around you will be happier and safer, as will you."
"I will, Dad. I will."
-
Now (21 years and 5 months)
Kurogane sighs and shifts in his chair.
True strength … I don't know if I've ever found it. It seems like all I've learned is that one of the most painful things is to stand by and watch, helpless, as someone I care about is hurt, because although I've tried, I couldn't help him.
Even knowing that he still suffered … I couldn't help him.
Kurogane wonders if maybe true strength is still lingering outside of his grasp.
-
A/N - I'm late *shifty eyes* Life has been sort of hectic lately and NaNoWriMo isn't helping at all. I can't remember the last time I slept for a good 9 or 10 hours, instead of 5 or 6 hours. Anyway, ignore my grouchy ranting and I hope you all enjoy this =D
Series: TRC
Pairing: KuroFai
Rating: PG
Length: about 1000 words, chapter 12 (12/26)
Words (9 Years and 7 Months Old)
February 12, 10: 9 Years and 2 Months Old
February 12, 10: 9 Years and 2 Months Old
A restless wind stirred the tree branches as Kurogane and Fai walked silently past them. The sky overhead was dark and overcast; the clouds somber and gloomy: they matched Kurogane's mood perfectly.
"Talk to me," Fai pleaded at last, breaking the deafening silence, as they lingered in the park yet again on the way home after school. "Come on Kurogane, say something."
Kurogane just shook his head mutely. He was determined not to speak needlessly anymore, determined not to let any more words exit his lips and fall, worthless, into the air.
Most importantly, I won't ever lie. I won't ever make a promise that I wouldn't give my life trying to keep.
"Kuro-pooon," Fai wheedled, hoping to get a rise out of Kurogane by using one of the nicknames that Kurogane detested. "Kuro-pon, Kuro-tin, Kuro-mu!"
But Kurogane simply growled and glared at Fai threateningly.
The blond made a half hearted attempt to skip away before he realized that Kurogane wasn't giving chase like usual. Instead, he just walked along in the damp park, wet grass brushing against his pant legs and changing their color, with his head down and fixed on the ground.
"Oh for goodness sake Kuro-pon, won't you just perk up a little bit? Smile!" Fai returned to prod Kurogane on the cheek. "It's not hard, see? And they say smiling makes you feel better!"
Kurogane looked at Fai with minor disgust. Fai had a smile on his face that was just as convincing as his usual carefree expression; everyone except for Kurogane would have fallen for it easily. It infuriated him to see how Fai could take pain and suffering lightly enough to just paint it over with a smile and pretend it wasn't there.
"Kurogane," Fai paused and actually looked serious for once. "Talk to me, please. I know it hurts to lose your mom. I don't want you to go through this alone."
The dark haired boy looked at the other boy suspiciously, unpleasant thoughts coming to surface in his mind.
"Please," Fai whispered, eyes glinting. "I don't want you to be alone. Talk to me."
"Is it me that you don't want to be alone," Kurogane asked harshly, voice rough after about two weeks of very limited activity. "Or yourself?"
Fai dropped his eyes. His hesitation was all Kurogane needed to turn around and stride quickly towards his house, distancing himself from the stupid blond and all his stupid problems and his stupid fears and his stupid inability to cope with things …
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
The entire world is just stupid, Kurogane thought vehemently. The world is a cruel and unloving, place.
We're all alone here, trapped by words that have no meaning at all.
-
A few blocks away from his house, Kurogane changed tracks and veered towards the studio instead. In the half month that had followed his mother's death, his father had spent more time there than ever – as had Kurogane.
"Kurogane-kun!" Kendappa, his father's second-in-command, said in surprise when she saw him. "Shouldn't you be at home?"
Kurogane swept past her, not bothering to answer.
"Do you need me to call your dad?" She asked.
She received no reply as Kurogane stomped towards the change room. He changed into his gym clothes, which were conveniently in his backpack, and sat down on a bench for a moment, trying to calm his anger. Unsuccessful, he got up, paced around the change room, and punched a locker. He regretted this fiercely when his fist started stinging and decided it was a much better idea to spend his anger doing exercises instead. He went back outside and threw himself into repetitions until his father came over to see him, no doubt informed of Kurogane's presence by Kendappa.
"Kurogane, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at home, or at the park with Fai-kun?" Wiping his face with a towel, Mr. Suwa squatted down to talk to his son as he pounded the life out of a punching bag. "Did something happen?"
Kurogane just shook his head mutely and switched to kicking, feeling a brutal satisfaction in the thump of the bag when his foot connected with it solidly.
"Come on, Kurogane." His father placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and gently forced Kurogane to stop and turn to him. "I've barely heard your voice in two weeks. I've already lost my wife; I don't want to lose you too."
At the mention of his mom, Kurogane's eyes blurred again. He angrily wiped at his eyes before he managed to croak out anything comprehensible. "I want to be become stronger. I want to become stronger, so I can protect everyone that I love! Maybe it's selfish, but I don't anyone else to be taken away from me … not you, not Tomoyo, not …" His voice trailed off.
"Not Fai-kun?" His dad guessed. Kurogane just clenched his fists. "Listen … being strong isn't the answer to everything. No matter how strong you are … there are some things that can't be stopped, there are some things that will make you suffer no matter what."
Kurogane looked up to see his dad's eyes glimmering. "Don't cry, Dad."
His father reached down and pulled Kurogane into a hug. "Be strong, Kurogane. Discover the meaning of true strength, and although not everything will be solved, the people around you will be happier and safer, as will you."
"I will, Dad. I will."
-
Now (21 years and 5 months)
Kurogane sighs and shifts in his chair.
True strength … I don't know if I've ever found it. It seems like all I've learned is that one of the most painful things is to stand by and watch, helpless, as someone I care about is hurt, because although I've tried, I couldn't help him.
Even knowing that he still suffered … I couldn't help him.
Kurogane wonders if maybe true strength is still lingering outside of his grasp.
-
A/N - I'm late *shifty eyes* Life has been sort of hectic lately and NaNoWriMo isn't helping at all. I can't remember the last time I slept for a good 9 or 10 hours, instead of 5 or 6 hours. Anyway, ignore my grouchy ranting and I hope you all enjoy this =D
